"What's what?" I ask.

"This!" he cries, thrusting a couple of sheaves of paper at me.

"Uh...it's what it says," I reply.

"YOU APPLIED FOR HERITAGE PROTECTION FOR A VAN AND A COFFEE MACHINE!!!" he shouts.

"Oh that! Yes, I did," I say.

"You don't stand a chance of getting this approved!" he seethes.

"Why not, we agreed the landmark status and cultural significance?"

"You can't be serious."

"Of course we can. Both items are iconic and have a rich and significant history."

"It'll never get approved!" the Boss repeats.

"No, but then it doesn't have to be," I say.

"What do you mean?"

"Until their eligibility for heritage status is decided they're protected by law - you can't touch them."

"So you've really only protected them for... >shuffle< 15 days till the next hearing."

"Fifteen more days of coffee and driving," I counter.

"...if it even gets to the hearing," the PFY adds.

"What do you mean," the boss asks suspiciously.

"What if the submission got mislaid on the way to the hearing? We might need an extension till the next hearing date. Then the next...then there's the convoluted and escalating appeals process, which is bound to cost the company a lot more than the running costs of an old van and an espresso machine..."

"I...You...A...oh.." the Boss says, wandering out of Mission Control with defeat stencilled all over him.

"Should we tell him about the application to make the pub across the road an official place of worship?"

"Nah, let's leave that till we can muddy up the definition of 'religious observance' in our contracts..."